


When I'm Gone

by MorganSunflowers



Series: Batfamily stories 🦇 [8]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Military, Awkwardness, Blood and Gore, Brother-Sister Relationships, Cigarettes, Crying, Explicit Language, F/M, Falling In Love, Father-Daughter Relationship, Female Barry Allen, Gun Violence, Heavy Angst, Marriage, Military, Military Ranks, Military Uniforms, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Protective Bruce Wayne, Protectiveness, Smoking, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 23:14:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 8,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20455136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganSunflowers/pseuds/MorganSunflowers
Summary: Willow Wayne daughter of Bruce and Bethany. She discovers love in the most unlikely of places, learns lessons, witnesses unimaginable thing's, finds a family and a love worth fighting for





	1. Chapter 1

I took a deep breath deployment to Markovia. My parents are not going to like this but it's my choice. I wanted this I've done a lot of thinking about it and it's what I feal led to do. I couldn't think of the right way to tell them let alone all my brother's and basically adopted sister's. I sat with Alfred drinking tea

"may I ask what's troubling you miss Willow?"

"I uh got my deployment paper's last week I have to leave in four day's"

"I see. Have you spoken to your family of this"

"no but I think tonight at supper I will"

"I shall serve master Bruce's favorite dinner"

That night my family Wally, Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, mom, dad and I ate dinner. I cleared my throat 

"yes" dad said

"I have my orders of getting deployed to Markovia for 3 year's until I can come home to visit"

"what?! No! No!" Wally said 

"please tell me it's April Fools!" Dick said 

"you can't just leave us!" Jason said upset 

Dad stood furious no one making a sound mom stood

"please don't dad I already decided this year's ago"

He pushed his chair livid he stormed off I followed him

"dad... Dad... Would you please stop!"

He slammed his bedroom door in my face I saw mom I grunted she huffed

"so you are disappointed with me as well"

"Willow! Listen to me" she started crying "you could never be a disappointment to me or your father. We only want you to be safe. This is something your father has no control over nor do I. You know we both love you. Our worries that if you go you become someone else when you come home who is unhappy neither of us want you living with a burden. He has to live with losing his parents he does not want to lose his daughter as do I "

"mom I.."

"just go to bed I'll talk to him"

I gently nodded sinking in what mom said I'm still going. I only didn't get the full accept how much I affect my family. I walked to the dining room the boy's absent I sat down finishing my food. I walked by the hall hearing the boy's talking in their room

"why does she have to leave to most dangerous country in the world!" Dick said

"I'm not any happier about this than you guy's but she's our sister if s-something happens I don't want to lose the time we have mad at her" Wally said

"we could make her something" Tim said

I smiled I walked to my room and went to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Day's past I tried to spend time with my family as much as I could. Dad as been keeping his distance from me and anything related to me leaving. I went to talk to him 

"Dad we have to talk" 

"I'm not discussing this with you!" 

"oh yes you are! I'm not leaving when you are angry with me. You risk your life every night I went with you almost every time. Why is this different?" 

"Because I can't save you if you fall! If you get hurt! Or if.. I can't save you Willow you are my daughter. Do you honestly think I can live with myself if something happens to you" 

"nothing is going to happen to me dad" 

"you don't know that if you go you may not come back the same I don't want to lose my daughter" 

"dad you're not going to lose me if I change it won't change that I'm your daughter" 

"you think I don't know that you'll always be my daughter" 

I hugged him he sighed 

Last day at home 

Packing my bags with mom's help I heard her sniffing

"mom"

We finshed I hugged her she started crying she kissed my head 

"promise you'll keep in touch with us and be safe and you know I can run and bring you home if you need me too" 

The boy's, Barbara, Artemis and Alfred walked in I hugged Wally 

"Aww come on Y/N you'll.. Be back in 3 year's" Wally said

I hugged Dick he started crying. Jason folded his arm's not looking at me tears falling from his face. I dried his tears 

"I'm really, really gonna miss so can you please give me a hug" 

He huffed and hugged me I picked Tim up hugging him he started crying I kissed his head. I put him down picking up Damian

" 'romise tt come back" 

"I promise Dami" 

I put him down he held on to my arms 

"Damian come here" mom said 

She held him he started crying I kissed his head. I hugged the girls who were both crying 

"promise you'll talk to us when you can" 

"I will" 

"I love you guy's"

"we love you too" Dick said crying 

I ruffled his hair Wally and Jason trying their hardest not to cry. I hugged Alfred 

"please stay safe Willow" he mumbled 

"I will" 

I grabbed my bag I walked downstairs seeing dad arm's folded I took a deep breath 

"you will keep in touch with us your mother will worry. I expect you too come home if something happens" 

"yes, sir.. I guess I'll see you soon" 

He hugged me I hugged him tight fighting tears 

"I love you dad" 

I walked out fast so I wouldn't change my mind about leaving. I made it too base in Markovia. The country now overrun by terrorists. Innocent men, women and children killed. I went to my bunk a large tent along with many beds. I put my bag under my bed I heard a group of guy's I looked seeing Roy! 

"Willow!" 

"Roy!" 

"you two know each other?" 

"this just got interesting" Jim said 

"guy's this is Willow, Willow this is Kyle, Dig, you know my uncle Jim and myself. What are you doing here?"

"remember that conversation we had the last time we spoke"

"right just thought that..."

"I didn't have the guts or my dad would stop me"

"both actually"


	3. Chapter 3

9 month's on base 

I opened my care package cookies, first aid kit that I know damn good and well is from my mom and books. I sat on my bed I opened my laptop calling my family. Dad had set it up the screen to the TV in the living room. I saw mom, Alfred, the boy's and girls 

"hey guy's how's it going?"

-"it's going good did you get your care package?" mom asked

"yes mom I did. You know they have a hospital here and medics?" 

-"I know I just wanted to make sure you had everything"

"I do. Where's dad?"

-"you know your father is always busy. How is it there?"

"hot and miserable! Hi guy's" Roy said 

-"Roy?! You're there?!" Wally asked shocked 

"yeah been keeping your sister out of trouble"

I shouldered him he poked me I pushed his face away 

"don't you have somewhere you have to be Red"

"nope!"

He stood behind me I glanced at him irritated

-"so you two are going to be keeping in touch with us"

"yes ma'am" Roy said

"Roy! Willow!" Dig yelled 

"we got to go" I said

-"bye kids behave" mom said

"of course mom"

-"yeah no hanky panky!" Wally yelled 

I instantly feel my cheeks get red shutting the laptop. Roy laughed I face planted we went to see what Dig needed. 

2 years on base 

I have a few more scars than when I came on my cheek my hands scared from stabs and cuts. The team and I patrolling I saw Jaime he brought me water I drank it all pouring it on my face. I shook my head shaking the water off my face instantly feeling relief from the heat 

"thank you" 

"you are welcome miss" 

"I already told you kid call me Willow or Will you make me sound to like a old lady" 

He smiled I felt sorry for him the poor boy Jamie Reyes forced to be my guard for a year now. After I saved his family his father forcing him to be my slave. I tried to refuse but by doing so he would be banished or perhaps worse. I requested my general for leave for a few days so I can attend my brother's wedding. He reluctantly accepted I packed a small bag 

"hope you guy's will survive without me"

"please well be fine however Roy may be a pain in the ass wall your gone" Kyle said

He sighted in his rifle smirking I rolled my eye's the guy's have been giving me shit about me liking Roy and him me. I bid my goodbyes to my team and went home. I made it to Gotham not realizing how much I missed home


	4. Chapter 4

I knocked no one answered I opened the door it's quiet too quiet shit! I'm late! Shit! Fuck! I ran too the car I drove too the wedding. Fuck I made it I ran inside. I hear the pastor I snuck in standing in the back seeing all my family. I watched Wally and Artemis run down the aisle I laughed crying. I walked to see my brother and his wife Artemis taking pictures with my family and close friend's. Damn the kids have grown. Damian saw me he started sobbing

"Damian honey what's wrong?!" mom said

He ran into my arm's I held him tightly crying

"I'm here, I'm here"

Tim and Jason ran to me and hugged me I hugged my three brother's. I let go putting Damian down I hugged Dick who was now crying 

"I can't believe you're home! You're OK" 

I kissed his head I walked to Wally 

"I can't believe you're actually here" 

He started crying laughing we hugged 

"couldn't miss my little brother's wedding.. Sorry I didn't get a chance to change" 

"you honestly think I give a shit what you're wearing" 

I let go of him I touched his neck shaking my head married my little brother married. I hugged Artemis 

"thank you so much Willow" 

I looked seeing mom crying and dad. She touched my cheeks looking at my scars 

"I'm ok mom" 

I touched her hands crying she hugged me I looked at dad he gently sighed. Moments later at the reception I sat on the chair by the table watching everyone enjoy themselves. Night fell we watched Wally and Artemis leave they left. I saw the fireworks... I looked where's my gun shit I forgot it! I hear gunshots someone grabbed my hands I tried to get away. I got out of his grip trying to punch whoever grabbed me but he grabbed my grip 

"Willow you are not in danger!" 

I blinked I'm ok 

"d-dad.. I" 

I stepped back no! No I didn't I couldn't have

"I'm g-good"

"now don't start lying to me!" he huffed pinching his nose "let's go home"

Dad and I acted as if what happened at the wedding never happened. I tried getting too know my brother's but it's hard. I don't know what to say don't get me wrong I love them more than life.. I just feel like I don't know them anymore.

First day back to base 

Finally things felt normal which kinda scares me. I walked to my bed the guy's greeting me to what people would think they hate me. 

"Willow!" 

"hey kid" 

He hugged me I was shocked I ruffled his hair 

"I brought you water" 

He gave me the water I drank it all 

"thanks kid" 

Roy walked in he grabbed Jamie carrying him over his shoulder 

"hey put me down you'll get me in trouble!" he said laughing 

I couldn't help but smile


	5. Chapter 5

Laying on the ground on my stomach in the blazing heat. Looking through my scope aiming at a target practicing. I shoot the target a few times. I reloaded noticing Roy he laid on next to me he gave me water I drank 

"something you want to tell me about?"

"no"

I shot again

"how was the wedding never thought the kid would settle down" 

"it was great" I said irritated 

"you going to keep lying to me or tell me the fucks going on?"

I took a deep breath I looked at him

"if something happens and I snap.. I need you too promise me somethin'.." 

"Will fuck no! Hell no"

"fuck Roy! If I snap putting you or the guys in danger I need you too take me out either way you don't have a damn choice" 

"no! Fuck no! I fucking refuse too over my fucking dead body!"

"that's exactly it! I don't want to see your fucking dead body!"

"neither do I! Shit Will don't ever say anything like that again!"

He shook his head pisssed I rolled my eye's 

"what the hell happened?" 

I shook my head I shot the target furious he grunted leaving fuck me! I shook my head feeling the tears threatening to fall. Get your shit together Willow. Day's past Roy and I did not say one thing kind to each other. Getting ready for patrol I noticed Roy forgot helmet. I grabbed it I looked in the bottom seeing a picture of us when we we're kid's. I sighed thinking I could have lost him and I've waisted my time angry. I put the helmet on his head

"keep that damn thing on so I don't have to worry about you red"

He gently smiled 

5 year's in Markovia 

Absolutely nothing going on it driving me to insanity all of us waiting for something anything to happen. The guy's and I lounging around Roy sighting in his rifle, Dig looking through his things making sure he had everything, I sat cross-legged playing spades with Kyle and Jim

"I'm totally kicking all y'alls asses" I said 

"keep talkin' Will" Kyle said

"I'd be careful Kyle Will as beat my ass at cards since we we're kid's"

"which is why you know damn will better than to play" I said

"who has the best shot in aviation camp top gun baby!"

"oh laugh your ass off Roy"

I noticed Jaime watching me play

"let me too teach you a thing or two"

He nodded I explained the game he paid close attention I gave him the cards

"oh no you did not just tell the kid all your secrets" Roy said

"I may have taught him a thing or two"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No man's land a dangerous place overrun by terrorists. Their mane base many people lost their lives there along with our soilders.

3 miles from no man's land all I hear his gunfire we sat in a ditch outnumbered and gunned I saw a grenade

"look out!"

.. I hear ringing I looked dust everywhere I see Dig, Kyle, Jim.. Roy! I looked frantically I saw him. I quickly got on my knees next to him noticing his right arm completely gone fuck! 

"Roy!"

Dig radioed back to base I ripped my pants leg and put it on his shoulder to stop the bleeding he groaned

"you're gonna be OK just hold on don't you dare fucking leave me"

Next thing I know humvee's came rolling in they took out the enemy. They took Roy to the medical tent they had too rushing him to a hospital to save his life. I watched as the helicopter rode away. Jamie touched my hand I ruffled his hair. I noticed my head bleeding fuck. I walked to my bunk I looked in my bag for bandages

"Willow get your ass to MC" Dig said 

"with all do respect sir" he cut me off 

"that's an order!"

I held back the urge to yell I went to MC they said I had a concussion and to take a few days off. With bandaging wrapped around my head my face bruised. My family called shit. I clicked on my laptop answering seeing mom, dad, Wally, Artemis, their daughter Nora, Dick, Barbara, Tim and Jason 

"oh my gosh baby oh honey" mom said crying 

"I'm Alright"

"don't say that!" Jason said

I took a deep breath wanting to cry to drown in my sorrows but I'm not going to lose it

"mabye you should come home" Dick said

"yeah like now! Before something really bad happens" Jason said

"what the hell happened to you?!" Damian asked

"Damian language" mom said

"Willow" dad said

I sighed "look I'm gonna make this quick we we're outnumbered I wasn't paying attention Roy's in the hospital he lost his arm.. I'll call back ASAP"

I shut the laptop before they could respond I started crying I dried my tears hitting my head


	7. Chapter 7

Jim and I packed Roy's things since he's been given order's to medically retire from service. Roy's still unconscious I know as soon as he wakes he's going to be pisssed. I went to check on Roy. I saw him talking to Jim I notice his muscles tence he threw his glass at the wall breaking it. He saw me he took a deep breath. Jim walked out to give us some time

"you look like hell" he said

"you don't look any damn better yourself... You're going to miss us"

"no.. I'm going to miss you"

I looked away from him ashamed of myself for not being able to save him. He touched my hand

"Roy.. I don't I - fuck me fuck me! For not being able to save you I'm so fucking sorry" 

"Willow get your ass over here" 

I sat on the stretcher he used his thumb wiping my tears away

"I'm in love with you so much I should have fucking told you years ago Willow. I love you your not going to lose me I'm here" he took his dog tag off he touched my hand putting it on my hand and closing my fist "kill those fucking Basterds come home I have something I want to ask you"

"ask me now"

"now now let's not spoil the surprise babe"

"I love you to asshole"

He chuckled and kissed me after Roy left to go home. I tried to process the fact I won't see him for a year

Roy's P. O. V

Already missing Willow I landed in Star City I made it to my adopted dad's house Oliver he opened

"hey Ollie"

He hugged me I sighed

"son"

Day's past I went to Gotham to see Willow's family. I knocked Alfred opened

"master Roy!"

"hey Alfred long time no see is everyone home"

"yes please come in"

He let me in I saw Jason he looked at me shocked

"hey Jaybird"

Tim, Damian and Bethany walked in

"Roy you're here oh we we're so worried about you"

She hugged me

"I actually came I wanted to talk to you and Bruce about Willow"

"is she OK?"

"ah she's good I just wanted to ask you two something"

"well please make yourself at home Bruce is in his study I'll go get him"

"thanks Beth"

I think about the ring I bought that is now in my room on the dresser next to a picture of Willow in her uniform.


	8. Chapter 8

I looked at the drawing of that Willow drew of a large two story house. I got her brother's involved to help me build a house with 40 acres of land. We started building I heard the hammers hitting, loud noises. I panicked no I can't lose my arm! No! No! No! My arm's gone it's gone! No! 

"Roy Roy slow down man you're alright" Wally said

I feel my Heart pounding out of my chest my legs hurt terrified. My legs and hands feel like there are pins and needles. I start to feel nauseated. I couldn't catch my breath shaking not being able to control myself 

"can I help you tell me what I can do" 

"tell tell me I'm not in danger tell me I'm ok!" 

"you're OK... you're safe OK.. you're alright"

I dropped to the ground Wally knelt next to me. I couldn't control my breathing 

"hey look at me focus on my breathing" 

I focus on his breathing feeling better taking deep breaths slight relief the worst headache. That turned into complete guilt Wally touched my shoulder. I stood feeling humiliation, guilt, anxious. I walked to my truck I sat in the driver's seat. I drank my water I don't have PTSD there's no way I'm tougher than that. I leaned my seat back I laid back. I really want to talk to Willow I hope she's OK. I smile to myself remembering Jamie and Willow probably two of the most important things in my life..

Wally's P. O. V 

"how did you know what to do" 

"you guy's don't worry but dad told me Willow wasn't doing well when we had my wedding did some research on PTSD just in case" 

"is he gonna be OK" Jason asked 

"he'll be fine don't worry he just needs to know we're here for him but don't bonbard him" 

"let's hope Will doesn't end up with something like that" Tim said

"yeah that's the last thing we want" Dick said 

I sighed to myself knowing my brother's are worried I'm worried that she may already have it and not know or worse won't admit it 

Roy's P. O. V 

.. I opened my eye's its dark I see the guy's by a fire I got out and walked to them

"hey man how you doing we're fixing to eat want something"

"sure"

Jason gave me a bag of chips I ate them wall hanging out with the guy's I realized that I am ok


	9. Chapter 9

Willow's P. O. V

7 year's in service 

I've been torcherd, starved, nearly drowned, stabbed and have more scars than I care to count in my years of service. I called Alfred and told him not to tell my family or Roy I'm coming home. I drove home wearing my camo pants and tan t-shirt. I pulled in I took a deep breath. I haven't seen my family in 4 years. I opened the door I heard something amiss. I grabbed my gun and cocked it I hid thinking something must be wrong. I tried to be as quite as possible

"Titus!" I hear

Damian I took a deep breath in relief and uncocked my gun I put my gun in my truck. I looked Damian crying 

"hey little D"

I started crying he ran to me I kissed his head hugging him 

"I missed you"

"I know me too kiddo me too"

"Willow!" I hear

I saw Dick he ran and hugged me he started crying I held on to his hair tight

"I can't believe you're home! I'm so happy you're home"

"Willow!" I hear

Tim ran and hugged me I kissed his head

"where's Jason?"

I heard the door open Jason froze he started crying. I ran to him and hugged him tight I kissed his head. I opened the door Alfred. I hugged him he hugged me tight

"oh miss Willow it as been far, too long my dear "

"oh Alfred"

I hear mom scream "Willow!"

I hugged her she started crying

"oh my sweet girl oh baby oh my sweet baby girl!"

She kissed my head "where's dad?"

"he's at work he should be home soon"

I dried my tears "I need a shower"

"make it quick we have much to catch up on my daughter"

I went to the bathroom and took my clothes off I looked in the mirror scars everywhere. I tried to stop my flashbacks I shook my head. I took a cold shower because hot showers are too hot. I put my camouflage pants and green t-shirt on with my jacket not wanting my family seeing my scars. I text Wally and Roy telling them both I'm home. I walked downstairs seeing dad he took a deep breath trying to control his emotions. I hugged him crying he hugged me tightly. I hear the door knocking I opened Wally he started crying he touched my head and hugged me

"aunt willy-nilly!"

I laughed and picked my niece up hugging her tight I kissed her head I saw Artemis pregnant. We hugged she started crying I saw Roy's truck. I let go of her and walked to him he got out. Tears threatening to fall from his face he smiled and touched my cheek. I started crying I touched his shoulder that once had his arm that is now gone. We kissed he touched the back of my head

"there's somewhere I want to take you"

I looked at my family all of them smiling


	10. Chapter 10

Roy made me put on a blindfold I don't like this I heard him park

"Harper what the hell are you doing"

"just shut up and don't do anything"

He opened my door he held my hand we walked I hear birds chirping he took my blindfold off I saw my house! The one I drew I looked at Roy who was on his knee I covered my face shocked. He held my hand trying to control his emotions 

"I promised myself I was not going to cry... Willow you have been my best friend who've been there for me when most would have left me in the dark you are the most Badass strongest willed person I ever knew. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you" he grabbed something from his pocket I saw a ring "Willow Wayne will you marrie me"

"why the hell not!"

He laughed putting the ring on my finger we kissed. He showed me the large house that would be our home. Roy and I decided to do the wedding before I have to leave. A wedding in less than three weeks totally possible. Mom, Artemis, Barbara, Alfred and Dinah looking for a wedding dress. Honestly I would rather wear my uniform however my mother would kick my ass. I put on a dress something weird went through something different but a good different. I'm getting married! 

"I'm getting married" I laughed "I'm getting married!" 

I laughed crying realizing that I'm getting married letting it sink in. I walked to everyone they smiled I noticed Alfred shed a tear. I smiled mom touched my shoulders she started crying

"my sweet little girl getting married"

I smiled we hugged I feel the tears falling I tried to stop only to make it worse. The day I'm marrying the man I love most in the world. I stood with my dad waiting for him and I to walk down the aisle. I started popping my knuckles feeling nervous

"Willow"

"yes sir"

"deep breaths"

I did as he said he cupped my cheeks

"I'm proud of you"

"w-what"

"I'm proud of you Willow I should have told you that year's ago I'm so proud of you what you've done you who are mabye a little too much like myself" I smiled "just promise me when you need us to not push us away"

"yes sir" 

I heard the music we locked arms walking down the aisle I saw Roy in his formal military uniform. I reflect on everything we've been through the fights, the arguments, the words, the shots we took for each other, the love, the kind words and I love him I wouldn't change my life for another


	11. Chapter 11

Willow's P. O. V

We rushed to the Markovion village that is under attack seeing terrost causing chaos. We attacked all I hear is gunfire, yelling and screaming. I kicked the door down seeing Jamie! Crouched up in a corner crying I saw his family killed I ran to his side

"Jamie Jamie kid look at me it's Willow"

He hugged my neck I took him too a humvee requesting they take him too the hospital 500 miles from here. We continued fighting them for hour's that felt like day's. We made it back to base 34 casualties including Kyle.. He didn't make it. I sat on my bed cross-legged waiting for Roy to call me on my laptop. I saw him he sitting on the bed 

-"it's so fucking cold without you home.. Honey what's wrong?" 

"K-Kyle's dead" 

-"what?! Fuck shit.. What the fuck happened?" 

"we we're fighting them off for hours we managed to get everything under control we thought. A sniper shot Kyle got shot in his neck by the time we got him here he was already g-one" I looked away feeling guilt 

-"now hey don't you fucking dare go blaming yourself for Kyle he wouldn't have wanted you to" 

"I know.. that's not even all of it I want to adopt Jamie" 

-"Will you know I love you and the kid too death but he has a family we can't just take him away from his family" 

"Roy they were killed" 

-"Shit. Is he OK? " 

"Pretty shaken up but he'll be OK if he go's home too you. I love him you know that" 

-"I know I do too I'll see if I can get him a passport and adoption paperwork" 

"Roy thank you so much" 

-"Thank you for telling me I can't believe we're doing this" 

"I know now I already talked too him and he's thrilled"

-"you gonna be alright I'm sorry I can't be there" 

"I'm fine don't worry I uh better call mom and uh dad" 

-"alright I'll talk to you soon" 

I nodded shutting the laptop I took deep breaths don't panick. I talked to my family 

-"honey what's wrong?" mom asked 

"I was wondering how you guy's felt about Jamie becoming apart of the family" 

Mom and dad looked at each other then back at me

-"we'd be thrilled" 

"good that's real good" 

The next day Roy and I legally adopted Jamie. I hugged Jamie goodbye 

"Roy well be there to pick you up k I'll be back soon" 

"I know Mami" 

I kissed his head giving him a bag with clothes and anything he may need. 

Jamie's P. O. V 

I made it to the large building I got off the plane feeling a little scared. I walked I saw, Roy! He saw me he knelt down I ran and hugged his neck crying 

"I know it's gonna be alright.. son I promise"


	12. Chapter 12

Roy's P. O. V

Jamie's been living with me for 6 months now. I sat on the couch all I hear is the gunfire, the explosions, the choppers, the screaming, the fact that my wife is out there in the middle of it and I can't do shit about it. I feel my entire body tence. Feeling my heart racing I feel something touch my hand I grabbed their arm I looked Jamie! I quickly let go. Fuck! I pinched my nose. No I did not just do that I started crying feeling guilt, shame, terrified I will lose my wife. He hugged my neck I started sniffing I hugged him tight. Month later I ate lunch with Jamie

"can we get a puppy?"

"a puppy hmm did you ask Willow?"

"not yet.. Can you ask her"

"oh oww you threw me a punch kid you and I both know she'll say no"

I cleaned the mess I ruffled his hair giving him ice-cream 

"perhaps we could tell her after we get the puppy"

I laughed knowing he is not even my blood son and yet he thinks exactly like I do. I sat with him eating my ice-cream. I bought a German shepherd puppy my wife is going to kill me. I sat on my bed I called Willow she answered looking like she got pretty beat up

"bad day"

-"try fucked up. How are things going there? How's Jamie?"

"he's good we're both good"

I heard the puppy bark

-"you did not"

"of course I didn't"

-"dammit Roy"

"Mami! Mami"

Jamie ran in and sat next to me she sighed

"it was papi's idea!"

"that is so not true a little twerp"

I tickled Jamie making him laugh

"OK ok it was my idea s-stop!"

I stopped Jamie ran off 

"time to get ready for bed ASAP kid " 

He ran off 

"bye Mami!" 

I looked at her she shook her head laughing

"so your not mad"

-"oh I'm so kicking your ass when I get home"

I rolled my eye's fighting my smile

"you ok?"

-"yeah just a long day is all. Knowing you and Jamie are safe as kept me going"

"you know I love you. oh Barbara's expecting"

-"really good that's great"

"you're really beautiful"

She smiled rolling her eye's "I look horrible"

"you look hot I like it when you're dirty"

"eww! Gross!" Jamie yelled

Willow and I laughed

"I love you"

"I love you too"

She shut her laptop I took a deep breath missing my wife


	13. Chapter 13

Willow's P. O. V

I drove home the snow falling 3 days until Christmas I pulled in instantly feeling relaxed. I walked inside I looked out the window seeing Roy and Jamie with the dog playing. Roy looked at me and smiled he fought tears he picked Jamie up. They looked at me I laughed crying I waved at Jamie. They came inside with the dog. I hugged them all of us crying. Week after Christmas Wally and Artemis watched Jamie so Roy and I could have the house to ourselves. Which ended up with me getting pregnant. I will stay home until I give birth to our daughter then one year later I'm going back to base. I'm due in 3 day's I walked downstairs I held on to the banister feeling the sharpest pain in my life 

"son of a bitch!...fuck!" 

Jamie ran in with his dog Scout I sat down taking a deep breath my water broke shit! 

"mother fucker!" 

"Mami!"

Jamie ran to my side 

"Scout b-bag"

Jamie helped me stand and walk to the car I saw Roy shooting his pistol at the targets Jamie yelled at him. Roy put his pistol on the shooting table. He ran to me he helped me in the car Jamie and Scout jumped in the back

"f-fuck!"

"I know hon just hold on until we get to the hospital"

We finally made it to the hospital Roy ran to me helping me out Jamie jumped in the front seat. I forced a smile to try and reassure my son I'm ok. Roy and I went inside Roy made me sit on the wheelchair

Jamie's P. O. V

I called my family telling them Mami's in labor I looked in the camo bag finding a MRE I opened it eating the food. I saw uncle Jason he made a funny face I laughed. He opened the door and picked me up

"Scout stay" I said

He sat I shut the door 

"how you doin' champ" 

"good Mami is really upset" 

"pfft bet she is" 

We went inside seeing the rest of my family we waited and waited and waited for day's actually hour's grandma Beth said.

Roy's P. O. V

Willow held our daughter Lian I touched my daughters face

"she's beautiful"

"hmm"

Willow kissed me I put my arm around her looking at our daughter


	14. Chapter 14

I sat in the airport about to leave I already told my family goodbye I held my daughter close I started crying again

"I'll be home soon Lian momma promises"

She touched my face I kissed her face and gave her to Roy. Jamie hugged me I always dread this. I made it back to base I saw, a group of men sitting on the ground with there bags I sat next to Jim 

"where's Dig" 

"got promoted don't know where he is" 

"no shit" 

"yeah how's my nephew's and new niece"

"hmm good. What the hell is going on?"

I saw Dig!

"I am general John Diggle you have been given order's tomorrow at 0100 we will take back no man's land and rescue 23 POW'S "

We all clapped cheered expect myself I haven't been there since my husband lost his arm

"rest up we leave ASAP tomorrow"

The guy's and I went to our bunk I sat on my bed Jim sat in front of me

"you ok kid?"

"I am fucking great!"

I groaned wanting to yell I took a deep breath. I heard my laptop I opened it seeing Roy holding Lian who was sound asleep and Jamie's arm's around him 

"can't fucking breath" he whispered "Hon what's wrong?" 

I took a deep breath "we've been given order's to take back no man's land and rescue 23 POW's" 

-"fucking hell" he mumbled he shook his head "fuck me" he sighed 

"Roy" 

-"just promise me you're coming home" 

"come on babe that's bad luck" 

-"I don't care promise me I have to hear you say it" 

"I promise" 

The next day we all put our gear on I looked at my picture of me, Roy, Jamie and Lian

"I'm coming home I promise" 

Night fell me along with 5 men including Jim slid down our lines off the helicopter. We snuck in taking out the guards silently. I found a deep large well I faintly hear voices. I peeked oh my God! All POW's and more declared to have been dead. I lowered my bag giving them water and food and a note saying they we're going to be saved ASAP. I snuck behind a small building. I felt a garrote wire around my neck I got out and kicked him I grabbed my knife. We fought with our knives I got him in a headlock popping his head killing him. I hid his body


	15. Chapter 15

We rescued the POW's along with taking back no man's land making a big come back in the war. I have served for 10 years now Jim retired returning home. Dig offered me a position in a training base in Star City. I would work once a week teaching soilders for the remainder of my service until I retire. I thought about it for a while and decided it was a good fit for me. I packed all my things I said my goodbyes. I walked outside taking in my surroundings taking one last look at the sunset I took a deep breath. I made it to Star City. I drove my truck I couldn't shake off my feeling of being scared. I pulled into the driveway and parked. I heard my phone Roy I answered

-"I just got your message you're coming home"

"no I'm uh I'm home"

-"where are you?"

"I'm uh outside in the driveway"

-"are you ok?"

"yeah.. I'm good"

-"Willow come inside the kids and I haven't seen you in 3 year's"

I fought tears

-"are you sure you're ok?"

"Y-yeah I'll see you when I get inside"

I hung up on him I started crying I saw Roy holding Lian and Jamie standing by him. I opened the car door

"mommy!" Lian said

I walked fast she ran to me. I dropped to my knees and hugged her sobbing

"wease don't w-ry mommy"

I gasped crying I saw Jamie crying I kissed his head he knelt down hugging me. I gently rocked back and forth holding my kids. I touched their faces I stood I walked to Roy he touched my chin and kissed me I hugged him tight he wrapped his arm around me.

"you're home you're really here"

"I had a promise to keep"

Month later only Roy and my kid's know I'm staying for good tomorrow is Father's day so I'm planning on telling my family tomorrow. The next day we all sat in the living room all my brother's, sister's in law's, niece's, nephew's, my parents, my kids and husband.

"I uh have something to tell you guy's Dig offered me a job in Star City training soilders I accepted"

Mom screamed covering her face shocked

"you're serious you're staying" she said

I nodded mom hugged me tightly I hugged everyone fighting tears. I hugged dad he hugged me tight kissing my head

"happy fathers day dad"


	16. Chapter 16

5 months later Roy and I constantly fighting with each other. Roy the kid's and I went to my family's house for dinner. All my brother's and their family's there. After dinner everyone in the living room I walked upstairs to the balcony to breath. I hate being around a lot of people, I hate I don't know my brother's anymore, I hate I have so much blood on my hands, guilt Kyle losing his life, countless friends gone for what? Why couldn't I have been better? Roy almost dying losing his arm. I let my cigarette I smoked my cigarette. I leaned on the railing smoking sighing. I heard the door open I tossed my cigarette I looked Wally

"Wally"

"hey sis what are you doing out here"

"oh just takin a breather. Something wrong?"

"nah just checking on you"

I put my arms on the railing as did Wally I took a deep breath

"you remember us playing in the tree house and you told me that even though you were leaving it wouldn't change our relationship"

I scratched the back of my neck sighing nodding

"yeah yeah I do"

There was a long silence I took a deep breath 

"look I know this is non of my business and granted I know you and Roy have been to hell and back... I'm worried about you guy's ok"

"we're fine Wally you shouldn't concern yourself about us. I'm home and I'm alive everything is fucking great"

"that is such bullshit I'm calling it bullshit you and Roy can't look at each other for one second as if you guy's don't know what to say. You're both smoking not that I'm judging you I" I cut him off 

"don't fucking pity me!"

He yelled "dammit Will you are my sister! You honestly think I pity you I'm sorry but something I don't know what is going on and I just! I - I want you to be OK and don't say you are because I don't want to hear you lie to me"

I shook my head trying to fight the tears I heard the door open

"hey guy's what are you two doing out here"

"nothing"

I walked inside not looking at them I heard everyone talking I walked to outside to walk and clear my head. I have flash backs of playing with my brother's then I remember every time I came back I knew them a little less. I started crying that turned to sobbing

"fuck why did you have to be right Wally"

I dried my tears got your shit together Willow fight it. I saw Jason! He hugged me I froze he's already taller than me. I still see him as my little brother. I wrapped my arms around him

"don't think I'm mad or disappointed in you" 

"I know you don't I should have fucking tried harder"

"Willow for five fucking minutes just shut up"


	17. Chapter 17

I sat with my little brother's Tim, Dick and Damian at a restaurant eating. Wally busy at work when really I believe he's still angry with me, Jason on a date with Kori 

"so boy's how are you doing?"

"I'm going to vet school" Damian said 

"dad is letting me take over the company when I'm old enough" Tim said 

"I'm still working at the police station in Bludhaven Barbara and the kid's are good" Dick said 

I gently nodded eating my fries their was a long awkward silence I sighed

"look boy's I don't know how to go about this shit get that from dad.. I know things are different then before I got deployed. I just want you guy's to know that I love you k"

"we love you too Will it's OK we just get to know each other now that you're staying" Dick said 

"tt what Dick said"

"yeah sis we're just glad you're home" 

"good to know so Dami tell me about this girl Rachel right" I said 

His cheeks turned red a drank all his water Tim, Dick and I laughed

"what about your girlfriend Timmy" 

"she's sweet, kind, funny, loves talking, she makes me laugh" 

"that's good to find someone who makes you happy" I said 

"agreed" Dick said 

I sighed remembering Roy and I arguing last night. That evening I drove home I parked I couldn't block out the memories. My chest feeling heavy I started shaking crying I see the explosions, the gunfire, Roy's body I started sobbing 

"mommy!" Lian said 

I pulled myself out of my panick attack I opened the car door and picked my daughter up 

"mommy what wrong" 

I hugged her tight sniffing and walked inside. That night I laid facing away from Roy

"Wally called asking how you are" 

"did he what'd you tell him?" 

"that you we're busy but ok" 

"he worries too much" 

"your hole family worries about you" 

"yeah I know it's fucking exhausting" 

"you know they only care about you" 

"yeah I know" 

"mabye you should talk to them more like Wally ever since we went to your parents he's been acting off" 

"Roy you're being paranoid go to sleep" 

"Willow" 

"goodnight Roy" 

I feel the tears falling I tried to fall asleep knowing damn good and well I can't. That morning I left for work. I made it back home Roy storming through the house. He slammed our bedroom door. I opened the door he was looking through his things 

"Red?" 

"where's my fucking gun!" 

"in the gun cabinet in the shop" 

"I already fucking looked it's not there!" 

"Roy" 

"Just fucking leave me alone!" 

"Roy" 

He started shaking hyperventilating oh no shit 

"honey it's OK you're safe I'm here now" 

He hugged my neck shaking I made him sit on the bed he hugged my waist crying. I feel my tears falling I rubbed his face. I have been a fucking bad wife


	18. Chapter 18

Roy's P. O. V 

Early in the morning Willow leaned on the dresser not looking at me 

"Will what do you think about reaching out to someone else"

"what the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about us mabye talking to a marriage counselor"

"no! No! I don't want to talk to strangers about us"

"well we both know that neither of us want to reach out to our damn family!"

She shook her head I stood and touched her face she sighed. Weeks later Willow and I dropped the kids off at Oliver's. 

Willow's P. O. V 

Roy pulled in to military onesource I huffed

"Red we already discussed this"

"Willow I don't like this shit anymore than you do but I'm fucking tired of fighting m-mabye they could help. Let's go inside see if it's worth a damn" 

"if this is about me fucking smoking I can lay off the cigarettes but you should to" he looked at me desperate "fuck fine! Let's see what the hell happens"

"thank you"

I groaned we went inside. Hour's later neither of us wanted to open up to admit we have issues that we need help. We eventually opened up to the counselor. Things a little bit easier haven't smoked in 4 months neither of us have. I slowly feel like myself again Roy and I haven't been fighting as much as we we're. I haven't had a panick attack in a while. Though we're still not as, good as we could be. I called Wally he didn't answer I left a message 

"hey-hey Wally I know I haven't exactly been the best sister to you. Th-that's my fault Roy and I doing better just call me back ASAP I just want you to know that I love you"

I sighed Wally answered

-"Willow"

I smiled trying not to cry "hey buddy" 

That night Roy and I trying to sleep.

Roy's P. O. V 

I hear Willow mumbling I turned the lamp on she's sweating, shaking and crying 

"honey" 

She jolted forward screaming hyperventilating I touched her face 

"Willow! Will! Honey it's OK you're safe I'm here... You're safe"

"I know" she said crying 

"Will you're going to get through this I'm here for you. You are going to be OK" 

"what if I'm never the fucking same?! YOU SHOULD JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME!! What if I can't stop it?! What if I can't get ok?!"

"then I will love you through it! I love you not a damn fucking thing will ever change that!"

She covered her face I touched her face I wrapped my arm around her I kissed her face. She wrapped her arms around me crying

"I'm sorry I'm so so fucking sorry"

"Willow you are my wife nothing will ever fucking change that ever I'm sorry I haven't been any better"

"I think we both need each other to lean on"

"don't push me out I won't push you away we need each other like it or not"

She smiled and laid her head on my chest. Day's later Willow and I finally treating each other like husband and wife as things should be. The kids asleep I put on a song on the radio that is our personal favorite

Willow's P. O. V

Roy put on our song when I'm gone by 3 doors down. He held my hand I stood and danced with my husband. We're getting better we both have PTSD but we've learned to live with it. I lean on him he leans on me because deep down we know we could never leave. I'm happy now I'm happy with Roy and my family.


End file.
